Girl Problems. Maybe some help from the ladies and the more experienced guys?

[USMuscle9403]

Hey people...

Well, I've always been the type that everyone went to for all their problems, especially relationships. But I'll be DAMNED if I can solve my own ones. OK I am dating a girl right now, but the problem is with an ex. About a year or so ago, we had to break up because she had to move back to MD (this is not the first time this has happened, where a girlfirend had to move back to where they were from). Anyways, I guess since there were really no hard feelings between her and I before she left...I am still very attached despite having a girlfriend (my girlfriend is well aware of this). Now...when this has happened before with other ex's, I went through fucking hell to just let time heal my pain. I don't want to do that again. What can I do to get this girl off my mind? I'm so attached to the point that I still get jealous if she mentions other guys that she likes or whatever (of course she ACCIDENTALLY will tell me about them). Now these are some pretty obvious little mind games she's playing, but I'll be damned if I can look past them and make a reality check taht there's no way in hell that there will ever be anything else with this girl ever again.

As you can see I am sort of a sorry case right now, but I'd really appreciate some input from you ladies out there that may have some sort of opinion, or the guys out there that may have gone through something similar. I need so bad for this girl to leave my mind

[Massive G]

Allen, why are you having ANY contact with your ex gf?

[Massive G]

And you know how I feel about asking women for relationship advice right?

[USMuscle9403]

I've got ya dude. And yes, huge mistake even having contact with her. But honestly...I still love her. As much as I don't want to say that, I do. It's almost like I MAKE myself talk to her. The only time that we talk now (the only time that we CAN talk) is through Instant Messenger and she will call every now and then (ok, a few times a week). It's so fucking stupid that I'm sitting here sobbing over some damn girl that I may not ever see again in my life...but damnit, I still am

[Massive G]

You're not really that attracted to your current gf right?

[USMuscle9403]

I most certainly am, really. It's so strange, she knows about the other girl and that I sometimes have trouble with thinking about my ex, but she still stays with me and tries to support me. I thought that dating someone else would put my mind at ease (this is NOT why I started dating someone else though), but it doesn't seem to.

[Massive G]

It's pretty clear to me that you need to break off contact with the ex....It's affecting you negatively and it'll affect your current relationship eventually even if your gf says she doesn't have a problem with you it

[USMuscle9403]

Thanks dude, you are absolutely right. And I do have a feeling that Jaime (current gf) is just telling me that it's okay just to make me feel better. I'm sure it's hurting her alot more than it seems. But can I ask you this...how do I just stop myself from talking to her? Maybe say to myself "OK if I talk to her, it will ruin my relationship with my girlfriend", maybe something like that? And hey, thanks for all your help and always being there for me, I definitely appreciate it.

[Massive G]

My experience has been has been that no girl wants to hear about your feeling for a girl other than her.The goal is to stop talking to the ex but if you do break down and call her I probably wouldn't tell the gf about it

[USMuscle9403]

Oh trust me, I know that girls don't want to hear anything about other girls...but after a little while of dating Jaime I just went ahead and told her all this because it was bothering me so much. It's not like I tell her I am thinking about my ex every time that she crosses my mind, but she definitely knows it's going on. Now if only I can conjure up the willpower not to talk to this girl.

Dan thanks alot for the help, I always appreciate it. Also, remember that if you are ever having any personal problems and need a little help from someone else don't hesitate to PM me. Like I said earlier, I am good at solving other people's problems, but I'll be damned if I can take care of my own.

[jimpaul]

Allen I think you have to make an honest assesment of your situation.

You have to either cut ties (for you and/or your gf's sake) or go the other way if possible.

Let's look at it this way, "What do you want?"


don't mean to sound cold but you have to decide what is best for YOU.
good luck
jim

[loftgroover]

i agree with FrigginHuge,the sooner you break off contact with your ex the better,if you dont talk to your ex and concentrate on your current relationship,forgetting about your ex will be much easier,and one day thinking of your ex will not bother you one bit.i went through a similar thing a while ago with the ex,trust me it gets better.

[lionel]

Seems everybody's siding with the current, i'm gonna do just the opposite.

From what you've written, seems like both of you(you and your ex) do still love each other.. she calling you a few times a week(THAT IS NOW AND THEN EH? LOL!) and you not forgetting her. Seems like you're caught on those bachelor kinda shows where its time to choose between the top 2. Thats just what you have to do dude. You've gotta choose. Think bout which girl will be THE ONE you wanna spend the rest of your life with, which girl just makes you so perked up whenener you're wit her.. besides that, think bout maintaining a long dist relationship(if you're slanting towards the ex) and the feasability of mainitaining it. Think bout how your current will feel..

Like fh said, if you really do take your mind off your ex and give it your all to this current one, i'll betcha this current relationship will go far far further than ever. there'll be no additional load for you gf top bear.. lsitening to you crap bout your ex and then she'll go home and think bout whther you do love her. If you really wanna break off all contact with the ex, make sure its once and for all and stop being such a mofo and crying on your couch whnever the ex calls. Shoo her off.. i think your current would be head over heels knowing that you've seen the light and chosen a clear path to thread instead of waddling the muddy waters in the middle. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do bro!(i know it sounds cliche!!)

Take time, don't rush(but don't take too long either)

[american idol]

I have to admit I was a bit reluctant to give my .02 because of past *ahem* threads of guys asking for help with the women. But since you asked for a woman's perspective and you have a genuine relationship problem.... HERE I AM :smooch:

First off, I agree 100% with FH. If you're really happy in your current relationship, you need to sever all ties you have with your ex. If she calls, politely tell her you can't talk to her. If she still calls again, don't answer. She'll get the hint. You need to avoid all contact with her, this is the only way you will get over her & move on with your current gf.

It sounds like you have a great relationship now. Don't run her off by dumping all your ex gf problems on her. It's not fair to her at all. She may support you when your down & she may say it's ok to dump your exgf issue on her because you need to vent. Don't do it anymore. I'll bet you money she's wondering if you feel as strongly about her as you do about your ex. She wants you to stop talking about your ex, but she's not going to tell you for fear of pissing you off.

You are in a new relationship. Give your current gf the respect she deserves & your undivided attention. Your past relationship is over, its time to move on. You may just have to send your ex an e-mail, a letter, or something and tell her flat out, you don't want to have any contact with her at all. Stick to your word. Move on and give the current relationship a chance. Your GF has had to put up with listening to you gripe about your ex long enough. Let her know how much you appreciate her support by giving her ALL your attention. She deserves that.

Good luck!

[antihero]

i think that what you have to do is put your priorities into view. If the woman your with right now could be the person that you could spend the rest of your life with, then just be friends with your ex, or you could just see where this goes, and then possibly persue your ex. id stick with my current gf., but thats just me...