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  • Just Jokes!!

    I thought we could try to keep things in perspective
    I'll start it up with blonde jokes


    Q: Why do Blondes wear Pony-Tails?
    A: To hide the Air Valve!

    What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
    When you lay a brick it doesn't follow you around.

    How do you change a blondes mind?
    Blow in her ear.


    What is the similarity between a smart blond, Santa and the tooth fairy?
    They are all make believe.

    Why did the blond climb on the roof?
    She heard that drinks were on the house.

    What do you call a blond with a half brain?
    Gifted.

    How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    One... blondes will screw anything.

    What is the difference between blondes and government bonds?
    Bonds mature blondes don't.

    How do you tell if a blonde is sexually satisfied?
    Who cares.

    Why do blondes rub their eyes when they wake up?
    They don't have balls to scratch.

    How are blondes and parking spaces alike?
    All the good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.

    What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
    Pull the pin and throw it back.

    What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
    You can only put three fingers in a bowling ball.

    How is a blonde different than a 747?
    Not everyone has been in a 747.


    What do you call 10 blondes in a row?
    A wind tunnel.

    How do you drown a blonde?
    Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

    Why is a blondes brain pea sized in the morning?
    It swelled.

    What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown?
    Artificial intelligence.

    What do a blonde and a screen door have in common?
    The more you bang them the looser they get.

    Did you hear about the blonde who broke her arm?
    She was raking leaves when she fell out of the tree.

    What do turtles and blondes have in common?
    Once there on their back they're screwed.

    How is a blonde like a doorknob?
    Everybody gets a turn.

    What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
    Pregnant.

    What do blondes do in the morning?
    Get up and go home.

    What do blondes say in the morning?
    Who are you guys anyways.

    What do blondes and cow pies have in common?
    The older they get the easier they are to pick up.

    What do you call a brunette between two blondes?
    An interpreter

    Why did the blonde get fired from the m & m factory?
    She threw out all the ones with w's.

    What can strike a blonde without them even knowing it?
    A thought

    Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
    Red means stop.

    What is the difference between a blonde and a trampoline?
    You take your shoe's off before you get on a trampoline.

    Why don't blondes like vibrators?
    They're hard on their teeth.

    A dumb blonde a smart blonde and Santa Claus jump off of a bridge, who makes the bigger splash?
    The dumb blonde because the others don't exist.

    What's the difference between a blonde and the Panama Canal?
    One's a busy ditch.

    A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm. She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it."
    Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
    Finally the driver of the truck got out and asked her what she was doing. And she explained that her dad had told her if she ever got stuck in a snow storm, to follow a plow.

    The driver nodded and said, "Well, I'm done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me over to K-Mart now?"



    JUST KIDDING!!

    Get Stronger
    jim

    :sex:
    ain't it the shit? Just wait til you guys/gals see some of the strength jumps lol..and the size you put on!
    Good luck
    Jimpaul/Newtoketo

    EAT BIG, LIFT BIG AND GET BIG...SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN

    USE TRUENUTRITION.COM FOR ALL YOUR
    SUPPLEMENTAL NEEDS!!
    TO GET MY DISCOUNT USE Jat338

  • #2
    why did the monkey fall of the tree ??

    because it was dead

    why did the boy fall off the swing ??

    he had no arms
    "I pitty the fool who doesnt buy from www.trueprotein.com"

    Comment


    • #3
      Ok

      Why was the blondes belly button sore?
      Her boyfriend is blonde too.

      Why doesn't the blonde wear hoop earings?
      Her heels might get caught.

      Dammit jimpaul you got them all...
      "That damn log book"

      www.trueprotein.com Highest quality protein at the lowest price...

      Comment


      • #4
        What worse than finding a worm in your apple?

        Finding only half the worm in your apple!


        I've got worse ones, but I don't think I'll stoop that low. I don't want to have the same problem that GS67 had with MY lunch, poor guy!



        Get Stronger
        jim
        ain't it the shit? Just wait til you guys/gals see some of the strength jumps lol..and the size you put on!
        Good luck
        Jimpaul/Newtoketo

        EAT BIG, LIFT BIG AND GET BIG...SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN

        USE TRUENUTRITION.COM FOR ALL YOUR
        SUPPLEMENTAL NEEDS!!
        TO GET MY DISCOUNT USE Jat338

        Comment


        • #5
          Some silly ones:

          How many electrictions does it take to screw in a light bulb?
          1

          Whats red and white?
          Pink

          How do you make a sausage roll?
          Push it

          Whats brown and sticky?
          Poo

          Why do russians where boxers?
          Because Chernobal fallout

          Clearly student humour!
          "Never give up form for weight, makes no sense, form is key the weights will follow..."


          "Get...it...done"


          **RACK's Shitt HOTT Dogg Logg**


          CLICK HERE TO SUBSCRIBE

          Comment


          • #6
            This is my favorite joke of all time. It's older than I am.

            One day Superman decides to take a day off. He's tired of always helping people. So he puts on his cape and he takes off.

            Pretty soon he passes over Batman's house. Batman and Robin are waxing the Batmobile. Superman thinks to himself;

            "Hmm..I'd like to go down and say hello but I know what's going to happen. They're gonna put me to work with my super speed and I'll wind up waxing the Batmobile. And I'm not working today, Im taking the day off!"

            So he keeps flying.

            He flies over Captain America's house. Cap is fixing his roof. Superman thinks;

            "Ya know, I'd love to fly down and bullshit with the guy but I know what'll happen. He'll put me to work with my super strength and I'll wind up carrying all those shingles! Not gonna happen!"

            He keeps flying.

            Eventually he flies over Wonder Woman's house. Now Wonder Woman is laying out by the pool wearing nothing but a smile. Her legs are spread a little bit and she looks very seductive. Superman thinks;

            " Oh WOW! Look at that! I know what I'll do! I'll fly down there with my super speed...WHAM! I'll nail her...ZOOM!! I'll fly away she wont know what hit her!!!"

            And so he does at the speed of light. Wham...Bam....Wooosh! And he's gone!

            Wonder Woman says "HOLY SHIT! What was that???"

            And the Invisible Man says "I dont know, but it got me right in the ass!!!"
            Through the best and the worst
            The struggle and sacrifice.
            For the true who've remained and the new blood.
            Motivation, undying allegiance
            Striving through the hardships and affliction.
            Every drop of blood
            Every bitter tear
            Every bead of sweat
            I live for this



            Comment


            • #7
              Gollum, Is there anything older than you?, hell when you were born Christ was a Corpral, LOL.


              This is fun, I thought I was the old fuck here...
              "That damn log book"

              www.trueprotein.com Highest quality protein at the lowest price...

              Comment


              • #8
                Oh yeah? Well when you were a teenager you made a few bucks babysitting Moses.


                ***runs like hell***
                Through the best and the worst
                The struggle and sacrifice.
                For the true who've remained and the new blood.
                Motivation, undying allegiance
                Striving through the hardships and affliction.
                Every drop of blood
                Every bitter tear
                Every bead of sweat
                I live for this



                Comment


                • #9
                  lol,, babysitted mooses,, haha...
                  "I pitty the fool who doesnt buy from www.trueprotein.com"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    i mean moses
                    "I pitty the fool who doesnt buy from www.trueprotein.com"

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      mobsta, I wouldn't babysit no moose, I eat um...
                      "That damn log book"

                      www.trueprotein.com Highest quality protein at the lowest price...

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        !! Police Warning !! Police Warning !!

                        Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called ...Beer. The drug is found in liquid form and available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs".

                        Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

                        After several Beers, men will often succumb to the desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

                        At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings, in a familiar scam known as a "relationship". In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

                        Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this beer and the women administering it..... there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly affected like-minded guys.

                        For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the phone book.


                        Get Stronger
                        jim:kick:
                        ain't it the shit? Just wait til you guys/gals see some of the strength jumps lol..and the size you put on!
                        Good luck
                        Jimpaul/Newtoketo

                        EAT BIG, LIFT BIG AND GET BIG...SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN

                        USE TRUENUTRITION.COM FOR ALL YOUR
                        SUPPLEMENTAL NEEDS!!
                        TO GET MY DISCOUNT USE Jat338

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I just heard this song on MadTV and it almost killed me. The band is Corky and the Juice Pigs (No Im not making that up).

                          This one is going out to all the members of the Dogg Pound.



                          Too Fat to Rock and Roll
                          In the style of Meatloaf:

                          Baby, the time has come for me to make my final bow
                          Before the spotlight flickers out, I'm gonna make my way somehow
                          The clowns and jesters, their makeup is made with tears
                          All I've got is this electric guitar and one last case of beer

                          Nobody can tell me now
                          I'm too fat to rock and roll!
                          Nobody can tell me now
                          I'm too fat to rock and roll!

                          I'm gonna get a jelly doughnut and ride into the night
                          'Cause you can still eat a bucket of chicken while you're riding on a motorbike
                          You know I love you baby, I didn't mean to cause you pain
                          But I needed another sausage and a double order of chow mein
                          You know I love you baby, and I'm never gonna push you away
                          But you shouldn't have tried to make me choose between you and the Italian buffet

                          Nobody can tell me now
                          I'm too fat to rock and roll!
                          Nobody can tell me now
                          I'm too fat to rock and roll!

                          Baby I wanna deep fry your heart, then I'll sautee your soul
                          I'll eat your love with a side salad, for desert I'll have a cinnamon roll
                          You know I love you baby, I didn't mean to make you cry
                          But I needed another hamburger and another slice of apple pie
                          And if there's a God in heaven, like I know there's a devil in hell
                          One day I'm gonna get you back -- Hey, is that a barbeque I smell?

                          Nobody can tell me now
                          I'm too fat to rock and roll!
                          Nobody can tell me now
                          I'm too fat to rock and roll!
                          Too fat to rock and roll
                          Too fat to rock and roll
                          Roll, roll, roll
                          Oh what a beautiful roll!


                          It wont let me attache the song. Here's their website. Or it should be available on any file sharing thing. You really gotta hear this guy sing it to appreciate it.

                          http://kimberlychapman.com/corky/meatloaf.html


                          Hope you guys like it.
                          Last edited by Gollum; 05-08-2004, 10:12 AM.
                          Through the best and the worst
                          The struggle and sacrifice.
                          For the true who've remained and the new blood.
                          Motivation, undying allegiance
                          Striving through the hardships and affliction.
                          Every drop of blood
                          Every bitter tear
                          Every bead of sweat
                          I live for this



                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Two eskimos are in their Kayak and decide that it's too cold to fish in the ice with just a walrus skin - so they light a little fire in their boat.
                            Pretty soon the fire spreads and burns a hole in the bottom of the boat, which, unsurprisingly sinks.
                            Thus the proof of the old saying "you cant have your Kayak and heat it"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              A bodybuilder picks up a woman at a bar and takes her home with him. He takes off his shirt and the woman says, "What a great chest you have."
                              The bodybuilder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite."

                              He takes off his pants and the woman says, "What massive calves you have."

                              The bodybuilder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite."

                              He then takes off his underwear and the woman goes running and screaming out of the apartment. The bodybuilder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He finally catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment.

                              The woman replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short your fuse was.

                              ain't it the shit? Just wait til you guys/gals see some of the strength jumps lol..and the size you put on!
                              Good luck
                              Jimpaul/Newtoketo

                              EAT BIG, LIFT BIG AND GET BIG...SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN

                              USE TRUENUTRITION.COM FOR ALL YOUR
                              SUPPLEMENTAL NEEDS!!
                              TO GET MY DISCOUNT USE Jat338

                              Comment

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