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  • A real question for you guys?

    Would you take a 30k per year pay cut to have every other weekend off with your wife and 19 month old boy now or keep making money and start thinking about this later when he is older ? I am asking because my wife is off every weekend and most of the time I have to work!

    I don't want and will not be that dad that always works and not at the ball game!

    Thanks guys
    13
    Keep making money now because he is still young
    53.85%
    7
    take the pay cut and always be there for everything
    46.15%
    6

  • #2
    Depends if you can afford it. A couple years ago my wife took a promotion with enough of a pay bump for me to go part time. I get my boys off the bus and do a lot of household chores while she works late.

    We could have a lot more money if I worked full time but that means my kids would have a babysitter in the afternoons and we would spend weekends playing catch up getting shit done.

    I love the time I get with my kids and happy we made the choice that we did even if $ is tighter. The other day I was sitting on the tailgate of my pickup while my 5 yr old talked to me about his day as he was riding his bike. During that moment I just thought how lucky I was...

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    • #3
      All depends on your personal financial situation and needs as well as how much you value your free time. For me, a 30k/year pay cut would be a back breaker but if I could afford to do it I personally would because working all the time sucks. I will no doubt be facing a similar decision in the future as we are expecting our first child in a few months. I would think you probably have some time to figure it out and position yourself to work less if that is what you want as a 19 month old will probably not know the difference.
      Sorry, I probably wasn't much help; but good luck!

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      • #4
        My wife and I made some huge sacrifices (owning a home, new cars, extravagant vacations, etc) to have her be a stay home Mom for the past 15 years. But I look back now and my children are in AP Courses with 4.0+ GPA's and are well adjusted teens. I am convinced that it is because their parents were there during the most important developmental stages of their lives. And we made the right decision.

        You can give your children everything money can buy. But, in the end, all they really need is YOU. The one thing you can never get back, is time. Enjoy every moment because man does time fly. I truly believe this.

        In your heart, you already know what is best. Maybe you just need to hear it. Either way, best wishes to you and your family!
        Last edited by TLopez; 05-27-2014, 11:06 PM.
        2014 USPA Nevada State / Regional Championships - 1,168 total

        2014 USPA National Championships - 1,235 total

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        • #5
          Originally posted by TLopez View Post
          My wife and I made some huge sacrifices (owning a home, new cars, extravagant vacations, etc) to have her be a stay home Mom for the past 15 years. But I look back now and my children are in AP Courses with 4.0+ GPA's and are well adjusted teens. I am convinced that it is because their parents were there during the most important developmental stages of their lives. And we made the right decision.

          You can give your children everything money can buy. But, in the end, all they really need is YOU. The one thing you can never get back, is time. Enjoy every moment because man does time fly. I truly believe this.

          All of this.
          #docswholift
          PGY-1 FM
          "No idea is above scrutiny and no people are beneath dignity." -Maajid Nawaz

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          • #6
            When our first child was born my wife became a stay at home mum until he went to school. When the 2nd child was born I took long service then went part time for 6 yrs as a Stay at home dad (Hence SAHD as my Ava name). When I went back full time the wife took an easier job at a 50k pay cut.

            I am a guy that truly lives the "be there for your kids" thing. I am not controlling but rather am available to take them to sport, be a coach of the team, go camping, fishing and hunting dad. My wife is also available.

            My 16yr old is on academic scholarship and is well adjusted also with friends who are also good kids.

            My 8yr old is doing well and all his teachers say he is just a great kid.

            I could not buy that for 50k a year.

            One of you need to be there, depending on the sex of the child this may differ, also depending on the age this may differ but someone should always be there if at all possible and I understand this is not always the case IRL.
            "Be gentle in what you do, firm in how you do it."
            Buck Brannaman.

            "It is the certainty of punishment that deters crime, not the severity of it."
            'Hanging' Judge PARKER

            "Nothing is so powerful as an insight into human nature... what compulsions drive a man, what instincts dominate his action... if you know these things about a man you can touch him at the core of his being."
            ~William Bernbach

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            • #7
              Why not look elsewhere for an option where you get your weekends free and still make good money?
              -KidRok-
              "...because I won't accept that I can't."


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              • #8
                Alot depends on whether you will be still making good/enough money to enjoy yourselves! Im not talking a lavish lifestyle but enough so your never going to be struggling (thats will just add pressure to the whole relationship!)

                Me and my wife have our own business and we could make alot more money if we put more hours in, but we have an 8 year old boy and a 3 year old girl and we dont want spend anymore time away from them than we have to!

                The way i look at it now is the same way i look at my gym time etc - when im lying on my death bed am i gonna be wishing id worked more/made more money/was bigger and stronger or am i gonna wish id spent more time with my family!?

                Easy decision for me!!!

                Stew
                Some people are so afraid of dying they never actually start living.

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                • #9
                  ^^^I think Anabolic2k nailed the answer ^^^
                  "Be gentle in what you do, firm in how you do it."
                  Buck Brannaman.

                  "It is the certainty of punishment that deters crime, not the severity of it."
                  'Hanging' Judge PARKER

                  "Nothing is so powerful as an insight into human nature... what compulsions drive a man, what instincts dominate his action... if you know these things about a man you can touch him at the core of his being."
                  ~William Bernbach

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                  • #10
                    If it would not be a lifestyle change.. YES. If you are used to living off that extra 30k/year .. NO! It will just cause more stress in the family and situation could get worse.

                    I am financially stable atm so I no longer work overtime like I did the first 3 years of employment and I make 20k less by doing so but enjoy EVERY weekend with my son for the past 3 years with maybe an overall of 40hrs/year overtime max. I only do it when company absolutely needs it for a delivery time etc.. etc.

                    You have your life ahead of you to make more $ but you can never relive your memories of your child or go back in time and be there for them. Not worth missing in my opinion.

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                    • #11
                      Damn good points guys, Thanks REALLY!

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                      • #12
                        Considering the economy, it may not be wise if that 30 K per year is useful. As kids get older, as do the expenses. Not being around for the kids is certainly a good reason to ask the question you have. I can say, however, financial stress is the NUMBER 1 reason marriages become stressed and often leads to divorce. When people feel as if their security is threatened, it can lead very quickly to separation. Your wife and children's security is probably why you work as hard as you do. I respect that beyond what words can say. I have many friends that work incredible amounts of hours, myself included. But I can tell you if your family loves you, ask them what they need from you and see what they say. But without that extra 30 K, you may soon miss it...
                        Perhaps looking to investments, stock options, and business ownership may help fill some financial gap and leave those weekends free.

                        I want to be clear, I have enormous respect for considering taking a pay cut for your kids. It exemplifies what a good father is and what a true parent is willing to sacrifice. I applaud the willingness to lay it all on the line for the one thing we cannot get back: TIME.
                        In the end, most people never revet the things they did but rather the things they DID NOT DO. The decision is up to you, but it sounds as if you're a good enough father that regardless of what you choose everything will fall into place.
                        Last edited by DensitY; 05-31-2014, 01:55 AM.

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                        • #13
                          Have you ever created a budget? It is a very good idea when addressing questions like this (also very helpful in eliminating unnecessary expenses that you can live without).

                          Create an excel spreadsheet and track all expenses for a month, then annualize this number. Then add in other expenses such as vacations/travel, new car/maintenance, Xmas gifts, etc etc. Depending on how you are with finances and numbers in general, it can be very difficult to answer a question like this when just running through it in your head. The picture generally becomes much clearer when all the numbers are laid out for you.
                          The want creates the will.

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                          • #14

                            I am a big believer that a STRONG Father, Man or Male role model in the lives of children (boys or girls) does wonders for them in the long run in their lives and upbringing.



                            If you can afford it, and understand your wife and kids, then I say go for it.
                            Think of these things realistically:
                            - Do both of you stress over finances or just 1 person?
                            - Do you believe you are accustomed to that higher income?
                            - Can you budget accordingly to the new budget? Do you need the extra money yet?

                            I work from home, but don't make much through the process. My wife is the one that makes more money (nursing).

                            I enjoy being at home and with the kids. I am very happy even though we have less money, and that I am able to be at home with my kids more consistently. I am always able to coach and attend practices, games, as well as take my kids to the park whenever they want.


                            Don't get me wrong, it's not always a joyous ride. They drive me crazy at times, but that will always happen.

                            My wife and I aren't stressed about money. We are both very happy with our family situation and have a good understanding and agreement of our vision and goals. She does stress over money at times, but I always reassure her that we aren't broke and that we are fine.

                            Our housing and car situation fits our needs and we are financially stable. In debt, but paying it off.

                            If you are ever hurting on money, just go on a diet for a few weeks and save all of that money that you spend on your grocery bill!

                            Whenever I diet, I can notice it on the receipt at the grocery store and the minimal amount of store trips!
                            2010 NPC Northern Kentucky: Middleweight 3rd
                            2011 INBF Dayton Tri-State: Light-Heavy 3rd
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                            2013 INBF Buckeye Classic April: Light-Heavy 1st

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