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  • Support from the family.. How do you manage.

    Hi Forum..

    This is my first post, after recently starting up as a client of skip's.

    My question frustration is ; How do you get your family to support your goals ?

    Personally, i come from af family where many are struggeling from obecity - and as a kid i did myself.. Went on border schools, where i learned about nutrition, and furthermore got into a healthier lifestyle. ( 12-13 years old )

    Along the road, the interest of bodybuilding came in, and i started working out in a age of 18. ( im 27 now. ) Well. the results have been up and down. Never really managed to take it 100% serious before.

    This friday, i was at my stepdad's birthday. You know the hazzle - Food everywhere. I settled with my 40g prot / 16g fat and veggies, as it was not a traning day. Skipped, dessert and skipped cake afterwards. Everyone was questioning my goals.. the standart comments came in - "you are not fat" why do you do this, why why why. and i commented, the goal for me, is to stand on the stage in 2014 or 2015 - even though i will not win, i will acomplish it for my self.

    Well.. Even though they will not understand, and possible newer would. What do you do, to get the support from the family / near ones.

    J.

  • #2
    I posted something on Facebook about your point of them asking all the questions about "Why?"... People have no problem asking you why you didn't eat cake, but they would likely be offended to some degree if you asked them why they DID eat cake. A double standard.

    I think some people genuinely are intrigued however I think many want to here your answer so they can dismiss it in order make themselves feel better about not making that same choice.

    How to "make" them support you? I don' think you really can. But explaining not just your goals but why they're your goals may go far as to seeing that it isn't just narcissism and actually has a meaning or importance that they can get behind even if they don't necessarily understand.
    Journal http://www.intensemuscle.com/showthread.php?t=51093

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    • #3
      You show them how important it is to you over time by your actions. Eventually, they will either respect it or they won't.

      Skip


      Facebook: Skip Hill
      Instagram: @intensemuscle
      YouTube: TEAMSKIP
      TikTok: @intensemuscle


      For Training Inquiries: [email protected]

      Use discount code "SKIP" and get your TEAM SKIP protein here: www.TrueNutrition.com/TEAMSKIPblend

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      • #4
        Ok so I take back my answer. Skip puts it way better and way more concise.
        Journal http://www.intensemuscle.com/showthread.php?t=51093

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        • #5
          Yeah, i think its quite boxed in.. You can't force anyone to support and understand - my choises, my life. And i dont sell out of my goals, just to do what other thinks is right. this is right for me, and i want to reach my goals now.

          Well... Still being able of adapting to certain situations.. but i guess the respect comes by time, and keep beeing open / honest about whats the idea behind it. Parrents / Near Ones to come frightened / scared of obssesion ect. in our lifetime.

          Another Example ; i was on a data last tuesday. Afterwards she decided not to go on further, because she woldent get involved with a person on cycliar diets Her experience, her life, her decicions.. I respect that.. but will not sell out of my values.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by fluffyman View Post
            Another Example ; i was on a data last tuesday. Afterwards she decided not to go on further, because she woldent get involved with a person on cycliar diets Her experience, her life, her decicions.. I respect that.. but will not sell out of my values.
            That's just SILLY!!!!
            SAVE 5-10% @ TRUENUTRITION.com Use code: LG100

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            • #7
              It's something you need to learn to deal with because trust me, it will never change. I've been doing this 30+ years and if I'm prepping to compete I still get the crap from my mother and other family members like "1 piece of cake won't hurt you" or "why do you put yourself through all this suffering". You can tell them about the trade off of feeling good about yourself and being healthier over the long term outweighs the 2 minutes of pleasure from the piece of cake but they will never understand because they've never done it. You can say you are not suffering because you really do not WANT the cake, but they can't understand that either. The average person has little to no discipline and when confronted by someone who does they opt to treat you as an oddity. It got to the point where I stopped going to family event. When asked why I never show up anymore I simply respond with "because I'm tired of being harassed about my choices of what I want to eat".

              So, it's a choice you have to make on how you will deal with it because the only behavior you can control is your own.
              -KidRok-
              "...because I won't accept that I can't."


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              • #8
                I think you can go a long way towards making people find your lifestyle positive by your attitude....so many bodybuilders start a diet and then go to parties with the :-( because they can't eat cake.

                The last time I prepped, actually last two times I prepped i went to every single family event. I showed up with my Tupperware and my meals and most importantly a SMILE and did not get defensive when people asked about my food but I did participate in everything else other than food.

                I tried my best have to help people understand. One last thing I never said "I can't have cake", which implies you want cake...

                My biggest complaint is the crabby dieting bodybuilder. Nobody is MAKING you do it so quit pouting. Do it or dont do it but don't be a whiny b*tch about it. You may not believe this but I'm happy I'm dieting. It means im executing the plan and am one step closer to being ready to compete.

                Oh ya if your using cheat meals use them strategically--if your cheat meal is Sunday and your snniversary is monday scored skip your Sunday cheat and enjoy your anniversary...
                Last edited by trucelt; 10-29-2013, 01:05 PM.
                '17 USAPL Chicago Raw
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                • #9
                  Originally posted by LG1 View Post
                  That's just SILLY!!!!
                  It is.. but we are talking about the opposite sex, lol

                  well, didn't want to argue my opinion anyway, the world is full of women.



                  Thanks for all the inputs, good answers to my question

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Very good points being made here and I am going to add something that I think is important:

                    You can't "pick" your family but you can pick your friends, girlfriend, wife, etc.. I would HIGHLY recommend that you only surround yourself with positive people that support you. If you think they will change you are fucking nuts. Be glad that the date went the other way because that was a God damn blessing right there.

                    I hear horrible stories from clients that aren't supported and it just makes me want to puke. I can't even imagine not being supported because my wife supports every single thing I have ever done and I do the same for her. If she were to want to do a show next year I might not be doing cartwheels but I would damned sure not tell her that and I would support the hell out of her.

                    When it comes to family functions and that sort of thing, my family has dealt with it for so long that they see it as pretty much normal now. My kids know that I won't eat anything off my diet, ever, if I am getting ready for show so they don't even bother asking. I also take extra "steps" to not draw attention, though, by eating meals in my truck if we are out and I am prepping instead of eating my food in front of people. I try to be as subtle as possible because I don't like the questions. I figure I don't question you about what you eat, I don't appreciate anyone doing it to me.

                    Skip


                    Facebook: Skip Hill
                    Instagram: @intensemuscle
                    YouTube: TEAMSKIP
                    TikTok: @intensemuscle


                    For Training Inquiries: [email protected]

                    Use discount code "SKIP" and get your TEAM SKIP protein here: www.TrueNutrition.com/TEAMSKIPblend

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                    • #11
                      Very good points being made here and I am going to add something that I think is important:

                      You can't "pick" your family but you can pick your friends, girlfriend, wife, etc.. I would HIGHLY recommend that you only surround yourself with positive people that support you. If you think they will change you are fucking nuts. Be glad that the date went the other way because that was a God damn blessing right there.

                      I hear horrible stories from clients that aren't supported and it just makes me want to puke. I can't even imagine not being supported because my wife supports every single thing I have ever done and I do the same for her. If she were to want to do a show next year I might not be doing cartwheels but I would damned sure not tell her that and I would support the hell out of her.

                      When it comes to family functions and that sort of thing, my family has dealt with it for so long that they see it as pretty much normal now. My kids know that I won't eat anything off my diet, ever, if I am getting ready for show so they don't even bother asking. I also take extra "steps" to not draw attention, though, by eating meals in my truck if we are out and I am prepping instead of eating my food in front of people. I try to be as subtle as possible because I don't like the questions. I figure I don't question you about what you eat, I don't appreciate anyone doing it to me.

                      Skip


                      Facebook: Skip Hill
                      Instagram: @intensemuscle
                      YouTube: TEAMSKIP
                      TikTok: @intensemuscle


                      For Training Inquiries: [email protected]

                      Use discount code "SKIP" and get your TEAM SKIP protein here: www.TrueNutrition.com/TEAMSKIPblend

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        It's the same way with me now, I just go on about it like its my routine, people will say things and I just smile and go on about my business. I know what it's like to not be supported, my ex wife hated it, ex girlfriend supported me and woman I was dating for a month didn't, she hit the bricks. Not saying alienate people but choose the right people to have in your life and don't take it personally when people don't understand.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Ken "Skip" Hill View Post
                          Very good points being made here and I am going to add something that I think is important:

                          You can't "pick" your family but you can pick your friends, girlfriend, wife, etc.. I would HIGHLY recommend that you only surround yourself with positive people that support you. If you think they will change you are fucking nuts. Be glad that the date went the other way because that was a God damn blessing right there.

                          I hear horrible stories from clients that aren't supported and it just makes me want to puke. I can't even imagine not being supported because my wife supports every single thing I have ever done and I do the same for her. If she were to want to do a show next year I might not be doing cartwheels but I would damned sure not tell her that and I would support the hell out of her.

                          When it comes to family functions and that sort of thing, my family has dealt with it for so long that they see it as pretty much normal now. My kids know that I won't eat anything off my diet, ever, if I am getting ready for show so they don't even bother asking. I also take extra "steps" to not draw attention, though, by eating meals in my truck if we are out and I am prepping instead of eating my food in front of people. I try to be as subtle as possible because I don't like the questions. I figure I don't question you about what you eat, I don't appreciate anyone doing it to me.

                          Skip
                          Bingo! Surround yourself with "like minded" people who believe in living a positive lifestyle. Most people including some family members and friends want you to be miserable just like them. Its the same ones who hate successful people or those who make more, do more and have more than them.
                          Heckman aka "WISE" OLD MAN

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Like minded people-bingo

                            My wife has no desire to compete but she trains hard, does NOT like to miss workouts, and eats/cooks healthy....you don't have to date a bodybuilder, or fitness competitor just somebody who gets it....
                            '17 USAPL Chicago Raw
                            17 AAU Super Total
                            '16-AAU Hi
                            '15-USPA Metro
                            '15-USPA State
                            '15-AAU HI
                            '14-AAU HI
                            '14-USPA Metro
                            '14-WABDL Sonny's
                            '14-USPA State
                            '14-HI Strongman
                            '13-USPA
                            '13-WABDL Sonny's
                            '13-USPA State
                            '13-AAU HI
                            '11-USPA Metro
                            '10-NPC Stingrey
                            '09-NPC Islands
                            '09-NPC Stingrey
                            '09-ABA Islands
                            '02-ABA Islands
                            '02-ABA IronWorks
                            '01-NPC Paradise Cup
                            '01-ABA Olympia
                            '01-ABA Islands
                            '00-NPC Nat.Tri-State
                            '00-INBF Musclefest
                            '98-NGA Ill
                            '98-INBF Ohio

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Good read And everyone has good point of views.

                              From what i learned through reading a lot of psychology, is that what we in other people find irrational, discusting or just envy - Is aspects of our own "shadow sides" that we are holding ourself, and not have found acceptance in - Or things we actually admire of another persons personality and haven't yet accomplished - but know that we are holding that quality.

                              Not saying, that this is what happens in my family.... at all. But, the fact that everyone seems to struggle with overweight, and going on those "quick bindges" and afterwards picking it all up + 2 ekstra pounds in rebound.. Yeah, i can see why im sticking out Breaking patterns.

                              Skip : Regarding the date... True... Wouldn't have matched my way of life anyways. And very good point of view regarding positive people, and skipping emotional vampiers

                              - but what i learned, from this experience, is that i have to find a way to deal with rejections... especially rejections from females
                              And.... Learn to tackle my family get togethers... Think i will approach it differently another time.. Cutting off from social gatherings, isn't my way of nature.

                              Trucelt : You are absolutely right.. do what everyone else does at a party.. Will challenge myself... in the weekend maybe, i need away from work and career

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