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  • Joke of the Day

    Since another board I mod (musclemorpheus) looks DOA for real this time
    I'm starting another Joke of the day thread here. (I've got a 133 page word doc)

    First one:

    LUCKY FROG
    A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit. 9 Iron" The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron."
    He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog reply's "Ribbit. Lucky frog."
    The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog " the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one. The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas."
    They go to "Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks," What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit. $3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
    The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
    "And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."
    Lift big 2 get big
    TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
    mod at bodybuilding.com
    mod at iron-forum.com
    mod at melanoplanet.com

    Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
    So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
    "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
    Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

  • #2
    LMAO...

    That's pretty funny.
    Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom.


    MOD @ www.proactivehealthnet.com

    Comment


    • #3
      A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. after his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He says, "your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. if you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
      "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. for lunch make him a nutritious meal. for dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. and most importantly make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
      On the way home, the husband asked his wife, " what did the doctor say?"
      "You're going to die," she replied.
      Lift big 2 get big
      TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
      mod at bodybuilding.com
      mod at iron-forum.com
      mod at melanoplanet.com

      Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
      So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
      "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
      Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

      Comment


      • #4


        You are on a roll !
        Stay Hard and Get Huge !


        Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius , power and magic in it. Begin it now. - Goethe

        Comment


        • #5
          The Queen and the Pope are on the same stage. Huge crowd. The Queen and His Holiness however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, Her Majesty says to his Holiness, "Pope, did you know, that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in this crowd go wild?"
          He doubts it, so she shows him, and sure enough the little royal gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every pommie in the crowd. Gradually it subsides.
          His Holiness, not wishing to be outdone by a woman, who incidentally is wearing a worse frock and hat than he is, thinks to himself, what am I to do. Then it dawns on him. "Your Majesty, that was impressive, but did you know that with one nod of my head I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but this joy will go deep to their hearts, and they will talk of it and rejoice for months."
          The Queen seriously doubts this ... "One little nod of your head, and all the Irish are joyous for months? Show me."
          So the Pope headbutts her.
          Lift big 2 get big
          TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
          mod at bodybuilding.com
          mod at iron-forum.com
          mod at melanoplanet.com

          Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
          So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
          "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
          Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

          Comment


          • #6
            good thread to read first thing in the morning.
            Official Web Designer of Intensemuscle.com

            Advocate for Socially Relevant Search Engine -http://theenginuity.com

            Comment


            • #7
              Two men, who work at an airport, are drinking in the hanger one night after work when they realize that they have run out of beer.
              They are looking around for something to drink when they spot a large container marked “Jet Fuel”.
              They look at each other and think, “It can’t hurt to try a little”.
              After one sip they realize, “Hey this is pretty good” and continue drinking it all night.
              One of them awakes in the morning to a ringing telephone and realizes, “ Hey, I feel great. No hangover at all.
              He picks up the phone and on the other end is his friend.
              “How do you feel?” he asks.
              “Great, no hangover at all”
              “Have you farted yet?” his friend asks.
              “NO” he replies.
              “Don’t”, says his friend “I’m in Pheonix!”
              Lift big 2 get big
              TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
              mod at bodybuilding.com
              mod at iron-forum.com
              mod at melanoplanet.com

              Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
              So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
              "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
              Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

              Comment


              • #8
                the jet fuel joke was a good one!
                "Well done is better than well said"





                Comment


                • #9
                  A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen and listening to her son playing with his new electric trains in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now because this is the last stop. All of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses on the train now, because we're leaving." The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now go to your room for two hours. When you come down, you may play with your trains as long as you use proper language." Two hours later, the mother was still working in the kitchen when her son came out of his room and resumed playing with his trains. The train stopped and the mother heard, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. For those just boarding, we ask you to stow your hand luggage under the seat and we hope you enjoy your trip. For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
                  Lift big 2 get big
                  TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                  mod at bodybuilding.com
                  mod at iron-forum.com
                  mod at melanoplanet.com

                  Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                  So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                  "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                  Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    that's a classic, use to be one of my favorites!!!!
                    "Well done is better than well said"





                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Funny stuff there mister!!!
                      Heckman aka "WISE" OLD MAN

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The Married Mens magazine
                        Lift big 2 get big
                        TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                        mod at bodybuilding.com
                        mod at iron-forum.com
                        mod at melanoplanet.com

                        Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                        So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                        "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                        Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Whipped ! LOL , hits closer to home than anyone of us needs to admit !
                          Stay Hard and Get Huge !


                          Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius , power and magic in it. Begin it now. - Goethe

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            OK, this will surely offend almost everyone in some way or another
                            ******************************
                            Adam Sandler Astrology
                            Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
                            You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking jerk.
                            Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
                            You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come contact with. You are a prick.
                            Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
                            You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipshit.
                            Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
                            You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.
                            Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
                            You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means your are a cheap bastard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.
                            Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
                            You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.
                            Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
                            You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.
                            Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
                            You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.
                            Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
                            You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.
                            Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
                            You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.
                            Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
                            You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.
                            Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
                            You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
                            Lift big 2 get big
                            TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                            mod at bodybuilding.com
                            mod at iron-forum.com
                            mod at melanoplanet.com

                            Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                            So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                            "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                            Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              too funny!!
                              "Well done is better than well said"





                              Comment

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