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  • #91
    Great work Bro, keep it coming !!!
    Stay Hard and Get Huge !


    Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius , power and magic in it. Begin it now. - Goethe

    Comment


    • #92
      Subject: Employee Evaluation samples
      These useful quotes were reportedly taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations:
      1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
      2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
      3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be.
      4. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
      5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet.
      6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
      7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
      8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
      9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
      10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better.
      11. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together
      12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
      13. He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier.
      14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
      15. He's been working with glue too much.
      16. He would argue with a signpost.
      17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.
      18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
      19. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one.
      20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
      21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
      22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.
      23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
      24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
      25. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
      26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change.
      27. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
      28. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
      29. One neuron short of a synapse.
      30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled.
      31. Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
      32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
      Lift big 2 get big
      TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
      mod at bodybuilding.com
      mod at iron-forum.com
      mod at melanoplanet.com

      Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
      So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
      "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
      Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

      Comment


      • #93
        A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
        The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
        The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
        "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
        Lift big 2 get big
        TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
        mod at bodybuilding.com
        mod at iron-forum.com
        mod at melanoplanet.com

        Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
        So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
        "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
        Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

        Comment


        • #94
          MEN VS. WOMEN
          The difference between men and women in one paragraph:
          A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road. A woman is driving down the same road. As they pass each other the woman leans out the window and yells: "PIG!!"
          The man immediately leans out his window and replies "BITCH".
          They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next corner he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.
          Lift big 2 get big
          TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
          mod at bodybuilding.com
          mod at iron-forum.com
          mod at melanoplanet.com

          Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
          So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
          "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
          Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

          Comment


          • #95
            LOL, a very good one.
            each day is an opportunity to move you closer to your goals.

            <--- Batdog needs trueprotein for his superpowers www.trueprotein.com
            for a discount use my Batdog approved discount code: EGO693

            Comment


            • #96
              On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!" shouted the little boy. Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!" shouted the little girl. The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy answered. Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?" The boy replied, "A puppy!"
              Lift big 2 get big
              TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
              mod at bodybuilding.com
              mod at iron-forum.com
              mod at melanoplanet.com

              Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
              So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
              "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
              Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

              Comment


              • #97
                A husband goes deer hunting with friends every year, and, every year, the wife pleads to come along.
                “No honey, it’s not for women” he always says.
                Finally one year the wife says “If I don’t go this year, You don’t get any next year!”
                So he concedes, much to the cajoling he receives from his friends.
                The first day they are heading to the deer blind and , as they walk along the well traveled path, they spot a tree stump. “Here you are honey, sit here and if a deer walks by shoot it.”
                They continue on to the blind, convinced that they are rid of her, at least for the day.
                About two hours later they hear a gun shot. “No way”, they exclaim and rush to the area where they had left her.
                When they get there they find her with a man pinned under her foot, the gun pointed at his head.
                “It’s my deer I shot it, IT”S MY DEER” she is shouting at the man.
                To which he replies ”OK Lady whatever you say, just let me get the saddle off it!”
                Lift big 2 get big
                TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                mod at bodybuilding.com
                mod at iron-forum.com
                mod at melanoplanet.com

                Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                Comment


                • #98
                  Murphy's Laws of Computing
                  1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
                  2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete.
                  3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
                  4. When the going gets tough, upgrade.
                  5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
                  6. To err is human . . . to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
                  7. He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
                  8. If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
                  9. A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
                  10. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
                  11. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
                  Lift big 2 get big
                  TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                  mod at bodybuilding.com
                  mod at iron-forum.com
                  mod at melanoplanet.com

                  Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                  So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                  "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                  Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                  Comment


                  • #99
                    The Perfect Relationship
                    A seventy-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, shaking and sobbing.
                    A young man walks by and asks him, "What seems to be the problem?"
                    Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman."
                    "What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.
                    Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunch time she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex, the best an old man could want. And then at supper time, and all night long, we make love." The old man breaks down, sobbing, no longer able to speak.
                    The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"
                    The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I live."
                    Lift big 2 get big
                    TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                    mod at bodybuilding.com
                    mod at iron-forum.com
                    mod at melanoplanet.com

                    Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                    So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                    "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                    Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                    Comment


                    • damn the bad luck!
                      "Well done is better than well said"





                      Comment


                      • Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen is in Trouble
                        10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
                        9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
                        8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.
                        7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"
                        6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
                        5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap."
                        4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
                        3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard ain't listening."
                        2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."
                        1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards.
                        Lift big 2 get big
                        TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                        mod at bodybuilding.com
                        mod at iron-forum.com
                        mod at melanoplanet.com

                        Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                        So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                        "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                        Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                        Comment


                        • A man decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, until the boat sank. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
                          After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
                          "I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
                          "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
                          "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material I found on the island; the oars were whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
                          "But-- but, that's impossible," stutters the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
                          "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
                          The guy is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted blue and white. While the woman ties up the row-boat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumbstruck.
                          As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?"
                          "No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
                          Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
                          No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"
                          When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines--strategically positioned-- and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins, suggestively, slithering closer to him, "we've been out here for a really long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know... " She stares into his eyes.
                          He can't believe what he's hearing: "You mean-- ?", he swallows excitedly, "-- I can check my e-mail from here...?"
                          Last edited by ctgblue; 12-17-2004, 08:32 AM.
                          Lift big 2 get big
                          TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                          mod at bodybuilding.com
                          mod at iron-forum.com
                          mod at melanoplanet.com

                          Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                          So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                          "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                          Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                          Comment


                          • Men strike back

                            Romance Mathematics
                            Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair
                            Dumb Man+ Smart Woman = Marriage Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

                            Office Arithmetic
                            Smart Boss + Smart Employee = Profit
                            Smart Boss + Dumb Employee = Production
                            Dumb Boss + Smart Employee = Promotion
                            Dumb Boss + Dumb Employee = Overtime

                            Shopping Math
                            A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
                            A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

                            General Equations & Statistics
                            A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
                            A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
                            A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
                            A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

                            Happiness
                            To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
                            To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and try not to understand her at all.

                            Longevity
                            Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

                            Propensity to Change
                            A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
                            A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

                            Discussion Technique
                            A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

                            How to stop people from bugging you about getting married:
                            Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next!"
                            They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by huskerfoos
                              How to stop people from bugging you about getting married:
                              Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next!"
                              They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
                              LOL, brutal.
                              each day is an opportunity to move you closer to your goals.

                              <--- Batdog needs trueprotein for his superpowers www.trueprotein.com
                              for a discount use my Batdog approved discount code: EGO693

                              Comment


                              • A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a white wine.
                                Everybody sitting around the bar looks up, expecting to see some pitiful yankee queer.
                                The bartender looks up and says,
                                You ain't from around here, are ya??? Where ya from, boy?"
                                The guy says, "I'm from Iowa."
                                The bartender asks, "What the heck you do in Iowa?"
                                The guy responds, "I'm a taxidermist."
                                The bartender asks,
                                "A taxidermist? Now just what the heck is a taxidermist?"
                                The guy says nervously, "I mount animals."
                                The bartender grins and shouts out to the whole bar, "It's okay boys, he's one of us!"



                                reminds me of the guy in WV that got busted 3yrs ago for 'romancing' the sheep in the nativity scene.
                                Lift big 2 get big
                                TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                                mod at bodybuilding.com
                                mod at iron-forum.com
                                mod at melanoplanet.com

                                Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                                So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                                "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                                Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                                Comment

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