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  • TEN REASONS THAT TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
    10 - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
    9 - If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again.
    8 - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
    7 - You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
    6 - It's okay when the person you are with fantasizes that you are someone else, because you are.
    5 - Forty years from now you will still enjoy candy.
    4 - If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
    3 - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
    2 - Less guilt the morning after.
    1 - You can do the whole neighborhood.
    Lift big 2 get big
    TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
    mod at bodybuilding.com
    mod at iron-forum.com
    mod at melanoplanet.com

    Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
    So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
    "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
    Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

    Comment


    • THE 10 MOST IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN A WOMAN'S LIFE
      1. The Doctor because he says, "Take off your clothes"
      2. The Dentist because he says, "Open Wide"
      3. The hairdresser because he says, "Do you want it teased or blown"
      4. The Milkman because he says ,"Do you want it in front or in back?"
      5. The Interior Decorator because he says, "Once you have it all in, you'll love it."
      6. The Banker because he says, "If you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest"
      7. The Police Officer because he says, "Spread 'em"
      8. The Mailman because he always delivers his package.
      9. The Pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.
      10. The Hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.
      Lift big 2 get big
      TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
      mod at bodybuilding.com
      mod at iron-forum.com
      mod at melanoplanet.com

      Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
      So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
      "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
      Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

      Comment


      • Shit is a powerful word. Just think of all the concepts and ideas you can communicate with it. Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language.
        Consider:
        You can be shit faced, be shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort you can get your shit together, find a
        place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.
        You can shit or go blind, have a shit fit or just shit your life away.
        People can be shit headed, shit brained, shit blinded, and shit over. Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola.
        There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits.
        There is bull shit, dog shit, cat shit, bird shit, whale shit, rat shit, and horse shit. There is tough shit, hard shit, soft shit, slimy shit, rough shit, limp shit.
        You can shit a blue streak, shit bricks, shit pink twinkies, shit marbles, or shit your guts out.
        You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when the shit hits the fan. You can take a shit, give a shit, keep shit or serve shit on a shingle.
        You can find yourself in deep shit, or be happier than a pig in shit.
        Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plane shitty.
        There is funny shit and sad shit, bad shit and good shit. Some shit doesn't stink while other things really smell
        like shit.
        Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can be faster than shit or you can be slower than shit. Sometimes you'll find shit on a stick, sometimes you'll find shit everywhere, and then there are times when you can't find shit at all.
        You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit..
        You can carry shit in a bucket, put shit in a barrel, have a pile of shit, have a mountain of shit, have a river of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
        You can slice shit, spread shit, dunk shit or jump shit, and some people just can't cut the shit.
        There is fun shit and dull shit, silly shit and serious shit.
        Sometimes you really need this shit and sometimes you don't want any shit at all.
        You can stir shit, kick shit or stick your ass out the window and shit on the world. Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
        Shit! When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation. Keep that in mind the next time you flush the toilet.
        And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else.
        Lift big 2 get big
        TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
        mod at bodybuilding.com
        mod at iron-forum.com
        mod at melanoplanet.com

        Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
        So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
        "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
        Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

        Comment


        • A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his. "Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.
          "I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar. "Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?" So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a month or so later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than before. "Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off."
          "And so?" asked the first flea.
          "And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again!"
          Lift big 2 get big
          TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
          mod at bodybuilding.com
          mod at iron-forum.com
          mod at melanoplanet.com

          Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
          So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
          "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
          Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

          Comment


          • Little Johnny was passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. He hearing a lot of moaning and thumping.
            Peeking in, he caught his folks in "the act".
            Before dad could even react, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
            Daddy, relieved that Johnny was not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agreed.
            Johnny hopped on and daddy started going to town. Pretty soon mommy started moaning and gasping.
            Johnny cried out, "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
            Lift big 2 get big
            TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
            mod at bodybuilding.com
            mod at iron-forum.com
            mod at melanoplanet.com

            Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
            So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
            "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
            Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

            Comment


            • After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer's job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" he said. "No matter, "said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his
              face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, striding forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, having been drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this
              man?" "I don't know his name," the bishop replied, "but his face rings a bell."
              (Wait, there's more.)
              The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist, the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side. "What has happened?" the first breathlessly monk asked, "Who is this man?" "I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."



              GROOAAAANNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
              Lift big 2 get big
              TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
              mod at bodybuilding.com
              mod at iron-forum.com
              mod at melanoplanet.com

              Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
              So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
              "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
              Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

              Comment


              • Drunk Priest...
                There was a new priest who was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit, he asked the Monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said "Next week it may help if you put some Vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything should go smoothly."
                The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and did just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Monsignor.
                1. Next time, sip rather than gulp
                2. There are 10 commandments, not 12
                3. There are 12 disciples not 10
                4. David slew Goliath, he did not kick his ass
                5. We do not refer to our savior Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.
                6. Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's
                7. We do not refer to the cross as the "The 'Big T'"
                8. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook"
                9. The recommended Grace before meals is not "Rub-A-Dub, thanks for the grub,"
                10. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
                11. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
                12. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
                Lift big 2 get big
                TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                mod at bodybuilding.com
                mod at iron-forum.com
                mod at melanoplanet.com

                Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                Comment


                • TEN REASONS THAT TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX
                  10 - You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
                  9 - If you get tired, you can wait ten minutes and go at it again.
                  8 - The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.
                  7 - You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.
                  6 - It's okay when the person you are with fantasizes that you are someone else, because you are.
                  5 - Forty years from now you will still enjoy candy.
                  4 - If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
                  3 - It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.
                  2 - Less guilt the morning after.
                  1 - You can do the whole neighborhood.
                  Lift big 2 get big
                  TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                  mod at bodybuilding.com
                  mod at iron-forum.com
                  mod at melanoplanet.com

                  Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                  So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                  "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                  Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                  Comment


                  • Guts- is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:” Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

                    Balls- is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, “You’re next.”
                    Lift big 2 get big
                    TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                    mod at bodybuilding.com
                    mod at iron-forum.com
                    mod at melanoplanet.com

                    Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                    So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                    "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                    Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                    Comment


                    • Two Italian Men
                      A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
                      "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more."
                      "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
                      "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."
                      Lift big 2 get big
                      TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                      mod at bodybuilding.com
                      mod at iron-forum.com
                      mod at melanoplanet.com

                      Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                      So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                      "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                      Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                      Comment


                      • A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there.
                        He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.
                        He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.
                        10 years go by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door.
                        He opens it up and no one is there.
                        He looks all around, and he finally sees the little snail sitting on the doormat.
                        The snail says, "What the fuck was that all about?"
                        Lift big 2 get big
                        TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                        mod at bodybuilding.com
                        mod at iron-forum.com
                        mod at melanoplanet.com

                        Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                        So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                        "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                        Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                        Comment


                        • TALES FROM A TRAVEL AGENT
                          A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

                          I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response... click.

                          A secretary called in looking for hotel in Los Angles. She gave me various names off a list, none of which I could find. I finally had her fax me the list. To my surprise, it was a list of hotels in New Orleans, Louisiana. She thought the LA stood for Los Angeles, and that New Orleans was a suburb of L.A. Worst of all, when I called her back, she was not even embarrassed.

                          A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."
                          I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said, "But they look so close on the map."

                          Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a one hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

                          A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and got into Chicago at 8:33a .m. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

                          A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight. Is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" ( I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

                          I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these damn planes have numbers on them."

                          A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China 4 times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
                          Lift big 2 get big
                          TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                          mod at bodybuilding.com
                          mod at iron-forum.com
                          mod at melanoplanet.com

                          Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                          So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                          "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                          Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                          Comment


                          • 1. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the hell she is.
                            2. The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
                            3. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up.
                            4. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I am doing.
                            5. I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up on the body.
                            6. I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
                            7. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
                            8. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
                            9. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
                            10. I don't jog, it makes the ice jump right out of my glass
                            Lift big 2 get big
                            TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                            mod at bodybuilding.com
                            mod at iron-forum.com
                            mod at melanoplanet.com

                            Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                            So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                            "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                            Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                            Comment


                            • "Don't move! You're a statue!"
                              A woman and her lover are in bed together when suddenly, her husband comes home. The woman jumps up, shoves the guy in a corner of the bedroom, rubs him down in baby oil and covers him in talcum powder. "Don't move! You're a statue!" she says.
                              The husband comes up to the bedroom and inquires about the new decoration. The wife explains that the Smith family next door acquired a statue for their bedroom recently, and if they could get one, so could she.
                              The married couple go to bed, but at midnight the husband goes downstairs, gets a glass of milk and some cookies and comes back upstairs. He hands the snack to the 'statue' and says, "Here. I stood around for 3 days at the Smiths', and they never fed me a thing!"
                              Lift big 2 get big
                              TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                              mod at bodybuilding.com
                              mod at iron-forum.com
                              mod at melanoplanet.com

                              Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                              So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                              "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                              Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                              Comment


                              • This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said: "FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."
                                Lift big 2 get big
                                TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices
                                mod at bodybuilding.com
                                mod at iron-forum.com
                                mod at melanoplanet.com

                                Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years.
                                So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry??
                                "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes.
                                Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"

                                Comment

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