Motivating the family

[moparfreak360]

I just wanted to see if any one else on this forum has the same issue i do...

A year ago I married a woman a little older then me and became the step father of her 12 year old girl and 7 year old girl, we just had our first baby together like 2 weeks ago. Here's the thing, when we first started dating she seemed to enjoy going to the gym with me occasionally.....Doing active things like maybe playing tennis with the kids and even (on rare occasion) cooking for me...(to impress me i guess lol)

After we got married the active lifestyle stopped immediantly, i hate to use the word lazy because she does work a 8-5 job so i respect that BUT.........what do you guy or girls do to motivate the rest of your family?

It doesnt have to just be motivating in the gym but how do you motivate them to eat better......It drives me nuts what she eats and feeds the kids because she never cooks at all!! Everything they eat comes out of a box, pop tarts, corn dogs, ext.............

I dont want to be a jerk to her but if I ever bring it up she grows horns and flips on me because she feels like Im questioning her as a mother......What advice do you have to try and motivate them? I cook all the time but they never eat anything i cook.

[steel1970]

Run!!!

That's a tough spot to be in....teaching your kids a healthy lifestyle is very important, especially in these days with the obesity epidemic....Sorry, but I have no advice for you, I'm going thru similar stuff....lol

[mark!]

Damn I guess I'm lucky. I married in to a ready made family, 3 boys. All 3 of them will beat me out the door if I mention park, baseball, football, bikes, anything. The 13 year old loves his video games, but he's really active outside when asked.
My wife, she doesn't like moving much apparently though. She struggles with normal diets and exercise. She thinks she can just not eat to lose weight, but always fails for obvious reasons.
It's best to try and find something they enjoy, biking, hiking, swimming, tennis, something like that. One thing that helps us is the recreation center in our city. They've got a crap load of things everyone can do. I can lift or do cardio while wife does cardio and kids play soccer, basketball, or whatever. They've really enjoyed that.

[TLopez]

Go grocery shopping with the wife. If the junk food is not in the house, they can't eat it. My kids eat snack food, but it is monitored. They are not allowed to just go grab food out of the kitchen and eat it with out asking first. Mostly because my wife cooks almost every night (5-6 times a week) and they are not allowed to spoil their appetite for dinner.

As far as exercise goes, make it fun for the whole family. We play kickball, tag, or 2 square in the front yard.

[Quadriceps]

Just out of curiosity, is it the fact that she doesn't wanna go to the gym or play tennis with you that annoys you, or is it because she got fat?

[moparfreak360]

Just out of curiosity, is it the fact that she doesn't wanna go to the gym or play tennis with you that annoys you, or is it because she got fat?

For me its not about her being "fat" its about long term health and the way shes training the kids.

One of the things about being a step dad that bugs me is trying to do the right thing for the girls and the wife getting mad and making statements like "well i been raising them this long with no problems"........

Kinda depressing because if they were my own kids this wouldnt be an option......I feel like im stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[moparfreak360]

Go grocery shopping with the wife. If the junk food is not in the house, they can't eat it.

And i quote " you get to buy all your stupid protein and mess why cant i buy what i want"

[Macho Man]

Talk to her about it. Poor communication causes SOOOO many problems in marriages. I have a few ideas on this...................

Try starting off the conversation by saying "Honey, I want to talk about something that is kind of a sensitive subject. I have very strong feelings regarding what I would like to discuss and feel that this conversation needs to happen. I know though, that sometimes if I had a rough or long day, the last thing I want to do is have a serious discussion about something, so I just wanted to make sure you were in the mood to have this talk."

If she says yes, start the conversation with a bold statement that lets her know what is coming, but softens the blow. Something like................ "I love you and feel that we need to be completely open and honest with each other, especially when something is bothering us. If I can't talk to you about EVERYTHING, who else do I have, right? Now, I know this is going to feel like I am attacking you, but I'm not. I just wanted to share my thoughts on our lifestyle, which I think has become quite unhealthy lately.".............. Use "feel" statements. Don't accuse her of doing things, say she does things, or say things like "you never", because that will put her on the defensive. Say things like, "I feel the kids nutrition has been a bit lacking." It is harder to argue or get on the defensive if someone is just telling you how they feel.

Also, I would focus on the kids and their future. Reference childhood obesity levels, what you want for them in life, and how an unhealthy lifestyle could impact that. If you get her to invest more time in the kids health, her health will more than likely start to fall in line as well.

Then, throw yourself under the bus. Say something like "I am not saying the fault lies on you, or me, or any of us. We all know that I am not the healthiest person in the world either, don't always set the best example, and could really benefit from being more conscious of what I am putting in my body. I don't think it is important where the fault lies. I do think we owe it to our kids to change this though. "

Then just completely talk it out. Don't start thinking about your response while she is talking; actively listen to what she says, validate what she is saying, and then take a minute to gather your thoughts. Stick to feeling statements. If you gently hit her with the truth about how much of an impact an unhealthy lifestyle will have on her children, and then present facts about just how unhealthy things are now, she won't have much of an argument. Unless she is completely irrational, then you are fucked.

[liftweights]

In my opinion first try and make her see what's going on and make her want to change first.

If she doesn't want to change it's time to lay down the fucking law. Don't let her ruin your life and the life of those kids. The 'average' american lifestyle is disgusting.

Edit: Macho man should charge for advice like that.^

[moparfreak360]

Macho man that is a very logical and good bit of advice.......I have actually tried doing exxxxacctly what you just said....I made sure I was nice and walked on eggshells on the topic because I hate fighting with her..........BUT she STILL took it wrong and ended up fighting..............

She was like what am i gonna do feed them chicken breast every day like you??? like that is healthy!........And when she gets like that I have to just walk away because there is absolutly NO reasoning with her. Its hard to go into detail just how irrational and unreasonable she is when Im just trying to focus on their health.......You would thing i did something bad!

[nexa]

How long did you date before marrying her?

[Sammich]

It sounds to me like you got a lemon. Best return that one and exchange it for a better model.

[moparfreak360]

Can't just throw in the towel fellas. I could never just throw in the towel and leave my family. I love them too much. This new baby has me seeing the world through a different set of eyes I love this little guy lol..........I feel i need to be around to make sure hes being raised good too.

And Nexa we dated about a year and a few months

[Quadriceps]

And Nexa we dated about a year and a few months

Way too soon bro, especially since she seems hard to deal with. It sounds like you're not ever gonna be happy in the relationship and only want to keep it going because of the kid(s). That usually doesn't end well, just saying.

[nexa]

Find a way to figure out how to communicate. That's just as important as being there for the children.

Also, did you two ever sit down and talk about how the kids were going to be raised or what your role was supposed to be as a stepfather (re: "well i been raising them this long with no problems")?