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  • Having conflicts with people?

    (for what its worth, I am feeling absolutly livid right now, so can people please take this seriously and not make jokes please)


    ok. Is it normal to have conflicts with people every now and then to somewhat frequently? Sometimes I wonder, do I have a personality defect that somehow brings bad things out of people, or am I someone who opens up my mouth and confronts people when they need to be called out on their bullshit? Do people that have less conflicts have better people skills, or are they just timid people that let things slide when disrespected because they are afraid of confrontation and would rather do whats "easier"?


    Maybe I am just being nieve by thinking that the average person has less conflicts than me or encounters less people they want to let have it? You know, I feel like I can look at peers of mine who interact with the same people I do, and I think to myself, I just cant see these people disrespecting these particular peers I am thinking of. What is the difference between them and me? Here is one, I am a quiet, reserved man of few words, but wise. They, outgoing, more social.


    Now I know you all don't know me. But, what about you? Have you ever thought about this in regards to yourself? what are your overall opinions?







    lastly, this "thing" that I am livid about....these people happen to be immature on a huge scale, like imagine important people you work with acting like they are 14 years old. I dont think this one was me. But, its THIS, that is always happening to me it seems.

  • #2
    I like this post and have had a lot of similar thoughts lately. Honestly, I struggle with the answer.

    I am a pretty reserved, happy go lucky kind of guy most of the time. I like to talk to people and enjoy a good laugh and a smile from people when I talk to them. I let people in my lane of traffic if they are waiting to get out of a gas station or something like that. I don't make a lot of things out to be a competition like driving or getting to the head of the line first, etc..

    I do, however, find myself incredibly critical of people when they cross me or others, though. Example: If you are driving like a dumb fuck then I am likely to run you down and ask you what the hell you are doing. Why? Not because I am a badass but I feel that most people walk away without saying anything and someone can get hurt when people act stupid or, in this case, drive like shit.

    My point? I am pretty fucking cool until someone fucks up and thinks that the rules don't apply to them. Drunk driving: I have stood in the way of a guy coming out of a grocery store and while calling 911 to come pick him up I shoved him away from his car while he was trying to get around me and into the car. What would most people do? FUCKING NOTHING.

    My opinion? Stand on principle. Don't take shit off of anyone but don't give it out, either, unless it is warranted. If it's warranted, let em have it. Why? I think people do a lot of the things they do because they go without being confronted. If they were confronted they wouldn't do the shit they do, I don't think.

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    • #3
      There was a group of what looked to be teenaged guys screwing with a good looking woman in front of them. They were honking their horn, signaling blowjobs and other things, so I cut them off to get in between them and her in my Excursion. Well, all along some other guy decides to jump in front of me and slam on his breaks. At the stop light, he gets out of his truck and comes walking back to my truck, I step out and he changed his manner right then and there. I explained the situation and he was extremely apologetic. Like Skip said, most people do things because no one stands in their way, they get away with it so why not? I don't go out looking for people to jack with, but I definitely don't standly idly by why someone jacks with someone else, or acts like a complete moron. I guess that's my whole law enforcement mentality, I always said it was a calling, ha.
      …Time is so precious….and you need to ask yourself, what are you going to do today but more importantly, you need to ask yourself – how are you going to do it?

      Comment


      • #4
        sometimes the only way to avoid conflict with people , is to shove your tail between your legs and walk away . well , I could never do that.
        "An egg yolk is a terrible thing to waste"
        J.M.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by IronReload 04 View Post
          (for what its worth, I am feeling absolutly livid right now, so can people please take this seriously and not make jokes please)


          ok. Is it normal to have conflicts with people every now and then to somewhat frequently? Sometimes I wonder, do I have a personality defect that somehow brings bad things out of people, or am I someone who opens up my mouth and confronts people when they need to be called out on their bullshit? Do people that have less conflicts have better people skills, or are they just timid people that let things slide when disrespected because they are afraid of confrontation and would rather do whats "easier"?


          Maybe I am just being nieve by thinking that the average person has less conflicts than me or encounters less people they want to let have it? You know, I feel like I can look at peers of mine who interact with the same people I do, and I think to myself, I just cant see these people disrespecting these particular peers I am thinking of. What is the difference between them and me? Here is one, I am a quiet, reserved man of few words, but wise. They, outgoing, more social.


          Now I know you all don't know me. But, what about you? Have you ever thought about this in regards to yourself? what are your overall opinions?







          lastly, this "thing" that I am livid about....these people happen to be immature on a huge scale, like imagine important people you work with acting like they are 14 years old. I dont think this one was me. But, its THIS, that is always happening to me it seems.
          Don't get me wrong, a lot of people frustrate me a lot. But, I think it doesn't do anyone any good to be confrontational about it. First, it won't change their behavior when you attack them, it only makes them defensive and makes the problem worse. And, it won't make you feel better either, it will only frustrate you more. So, if you have to say something I'd say try to do in a constructive way.

          The other thing I try to remember, which is easier said than done, is to realize that you were once their age, you were once immature, you were once struggling with things in your life. The bottom line is you don't know where they are coming form or what's really driving their behavior. For instance, you're on the train in NYC, you see a dad with his three kids and they're off the wall, screaming, poking you, picking up your stuff, totally misbehaving, annoying everyone else on the train. You are frustrated and finally say something to the father to control his kids. The dad responds with "I'm sorry for their behavior, their mother just passed away and I guess they don't know how to deal with the situation, and to be honest neither do I". You just don't know where people are coming from, and if you don't take the time to find out or be constructive about calling them out, you may be the one out of line.

          So, personally I'd suggest to look inward and figure out why others are frustrating you so much and ask is it really them or is it me? And, then try to find constructive ways to deal with your frustration and to call out their behavior. It certainly takes more effort on your part, but I think it's worth it.

          Comment


          • #6
            As a cop I am really lucky in that I am insulted and assaulted constantly, sent to deal with situations that have disintergrated to the slinging of basic insults and also situations that have resulted in physical violence.

            This has been great for my verbal communication skills. I won't go into specifics but at work I am seen as a negotiator and sent to many of the more difficult complaints, especially those against police. Quick eg from last night I was punched and kicked at one job, one partner kicked and another spat on.

            I often confront persons when off duty for similar things to driving, people insulting other people, shop lifters etc. Just things like above where people need to be called out.

            Some things I have learned:
            1) I always introduce myself in some way, not " I'm a cop" but rather, for instance for a hoon " Excuse me mate but my kids play here". This lets them know I have an interest in the location or incident they are causing.

            2) I always ask them what they are doing. Many people stop and think and many leave then and there.

            3) If I or someone else is getting a mouthful of abuse I say something that IORNRELOAD brought up, respect " Why are disrespecting me like that" or "why are you disrespecting them like that".

            4) If they are persisting with poor behaviour towards me I often say "Don't mistake my being polite for weakness".

            Not saying it isn't going to turn to shit but at least you tried and any witnesses know what is going on and can usually see who is the "goog" guy.

            EG: Last night (3am) a more senior officer then me had a off duty fight with some neighbours, another crew got the job, I got a backup roll. When we got their my opinion was that both parties did thing wrong but the guy that outranks me wants people arrested. When he gave me directions I did not want to follow I told him my opinion and that he was partially to blame. When I got a FU look and a mouthful I hit him with the "Why are you disrespecting me like that?" and told him I had come to assist him and he was treating me worse then he had treated the neighbours. The reaction was golden. Everybody ended up cool, no shaking hands but if either of them was on fire I'm sure the other would piss on them.

            In any case both the senior officer and the other people thanked me for sorting it out.

            I offer this advice to anyone getting in a situation "Take a step back sometimes...........It's called getting a run up."
            "Be gentle in what you do, firm in how you do it."
            Buck Brannaman.

            "It is the certainty of punishment that deters crime, not the severity of it."
            'Hanging' Judge PARKER

            "Nothing is so powerful as an insight into human nature... what compulsions drive a man, what instincts dominate his action... if you know these things about a man you can touch him at the core of his being."
            ~William Bernbach

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by SAHD View Post
              As a cop I am really lucky in that I am insulted and assaulted constantly, sent to deal with situations that have disintergrated to the slinging of basic insults and also situations that have resulted in physical violence.

              This has been great for my verbal communication skills. I won't go into specifics but at work I am seen as a negotiator and sent to many of the more difficult complaints, especially those against police. Quick eg from last night I was punched and kicked at one job, one partner kicked and another spat on.

              I often confront persons when off duty for similar things to driving, people insulting other people, shop lifters etc. Just things like above where people need to be called out.

              Some things I have learned:
              1) I always introduce myself in some way, not " I'm a cop" but rather, for instance for a hoon " Excuse me mate but my kids play here". This lets them know I have an interest in the location or incident they are causing.

              2) I always ask them what they are doing. Many people stop and think and many leave then and there.

              3) If I or someone else is getting a mouthful of abuse I say something that IORNRELOAD brought up, respect " Why are disrespecting me like that" or "why are you disrespecting them like that".

              4) If they are persisting with poor behaviour towards me I often say "Don't mistake my being polite for weakness".

              Not saying it isn't going to turn to shit but at least you tried and any witnesses know what is going on and can usually see who is the "goog" guy.

              EG: Last night (3am) a more senior officer then me had a off duty fight with some neighbours, another crew got the job, I got a backup roll. When we got their my opinion was that both parties did thing wrong but the guy that outranks me wants people arrested. When he gave me directions I did not want to follow I told him my opinion and that he was partially to blame. When I got a FU look and a mouthful I hit him with the "Why are you disrespecting me like that?" and told him I had come to assist him and he was treating me worse then he had treated the neighbours. The reaction was golden. Everybody ended up cool, no shaking hands but if either of them was on fire I'm sure the other would piss on them.

              In any case both the senior officer and the other people thanked me for sorting it out.

              I offer this advice to anyone getting in a situation "Take a step back sometimes...........It's called getting a run up."
              We don't have that kind of structure here, and I'm glad we don't. There's no "senior officer" telling a lower officer what to do. Our sgt's go to calls but rarely make any decision based on who's going to jail or who isn't. I'm kind of amazed you actually had a conversation about disrespect and all while on a disturbance call...maybe things are different out there, but here, if we don't provide a unified front while on calls, regardless of what we think, we end up in IA the next morning.
              …Time is so precious….and you need to ask yourself, what are you going to do today but more importantly, you need to ask yourself – how are you going to do it?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by SAHD View Post
                As a cop I am really lucky in that I am insulted and assaulted constantly
                I know police take a shitload of verbal abuse from people, but are you really physically assaulted (in the legal sense) that often?
                Ph.D., Theoretical Physics '16
                kind of a douche

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Sammich View Post
                  I know police take a shitload of verbal abuse from people, but are you really physically assaulted (in the legal sense) that often?
                  From my experience here in the states, once every few months, if that often.
                  …Time is so precious….and you need to ask yourself, what are you going to do today but more importantly, you need to ask yourself – how are you going to do it?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by mark! View Post
                    From my experience here in the states, once every few months, if that often.
                    Every few months is what I thought and was my experience from the cops I worked with. I was interpreting "assaulted constantly" as "every day or week".
                    Ph.D., Theoretical Physics '16
                    kind of a douche

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      In Australia to assault a public officer does not mean jail time.
                      So in that light with us WA POLICE stats are summer 7-10 a week. Thats a force with about 4000 front line officers.
                      "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        NOT a jailable offense? Holy shit you guys got it rough over there. Do you all carry guns or is that really just more of a European thing where officers don't carry?
                        …Time is so precious….and you need to ask yourself, what are you going to do today but more importantly, you need to ask yourself – how are you going to do it?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          they carry.
                          "An egg yolk is a terrible thing to waste"
                          J.M.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ken "Skip" Hill View Post
                            I like this post and have had a lot of similar thoughts lately. Honestly, I struggle with the answer.

                            I am a pretty reserved, happy go lucky kind of guy most of the time. I like to talk to people and enjoy a good laugh and a smile from people when I talk to them. I let people in my lane of traffic if they are waiting to get out of a gas station or something like that. I don't make a lot of things out to be a competition like driving or getting to the head of the line first, etc..

                            I do, however, find myself incredibly critical of people when they cross me or others, though. Example: If you are driving like a dumb fuck then I am likely to run you down and ask you what the hell you are doing. Why? Not because I am a badass but I feel that most people walk away without saying anything and someone can get hurt when people act stupid or, in this case, drive like shit.

                            My point? I am pretty fucking cool until someone fucks up and thinks that the rules don't apply to them. Drunk driving: I have stood in the way of a guy coming out of a grocery store and while calling 911 to come pick him up I shoved him away from his car while he was trying to get around me and into the car. What would most people do? FUCKING NOTHING.

                            My opinion? Stand on principle. Don't take shit off of anyone but don't give it out, either, unless it is warranted. If it's warranted, let em have it. Why? I think people do a lot of the things they do because they go without being confronted. If they were confronted they wouldn't do the shit they do, I don't think.

                            Skip
                            Hell yeah Skip. Tough guy bully wannabe alpha-males who pride themselves on being a dick . . . sometimes they just need to be put in their place by a person they wouldn't expect to be capable of doing so . . . they (may) realize how pathetic they really are and go back to being a compassionate, well-behaved human being. Remember the viral YouTube video of the fat, taller middle school boy who body slammed the scrawny little bully? I bet that scrawny kid was changed for the better after all of that.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by btech View Post
                              Hell yeah Skip. Tough guy bully wannabe alpha-males who pride themselves on being a dick . . . sometimes they just need to be put in their place by a person they wouldn't expect to be capable of doing so . . . they (may) realize how pathetic they really are and go back to being a compassionate, well-behaved human being. Remember the viral YouTube video of the fat, taller middle school boy who body slammed the scrawny little bully? I bet that scrawny kid was changed for the better after all of that.
                              It'll definitely make them think twice about being a douche in public. I wonder though, how it also turned out for the larger kid in that video, and if it had any negative influences on him, wasn't he suspended for body slamming that kid?
                              …Time is so precious….and you need to ask yourself, what are you going to do today but more importantly, you need to ask yourself – how are you going to do it?

                              Comment

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