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A guy I know at work sent this to me,, thought it was kind of funny.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent
the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
diet...Faggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo.
A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and
whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get
your ass over here, Killer!'
Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!'
Jeeez, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured,
you are a Gaylord.
A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster
backs, crawfish heads, pickled pigs feet, or tits.
Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.
A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as
Tinkerbelle.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'.
If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there
too.....
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different
types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be
handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
crap.
If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay.
And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
a peter puffer.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle.
A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to
cut the prick off.
The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
hamburger, hold his beer, or scratch his nuts.
1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer.
It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent
the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah
diet...Faggot.
2. If you have a cat, you are a homo.
A cat is like a dog, but queer-- it grooms itself constantly but never
scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and
whines to be fed.
And just think about how you call a dog..... 'Killer, come here! I said get
your ass over here, Killer!'
Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!'
Jeeez, you're so queer.
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, or any such nonsense, rest assured,
you are a Gaylord.
A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster
backs, crawfish heads, pickled pigs feet, or tits.
Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking
lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship.
A man's world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you're as fairy as
Tinkerbelle.
A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'.
If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there
too.....
6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different
types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be
handing out free ass passes.
A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that
crap.
If you can pick out chartreuse you're gay.
And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are
a peter puffer.
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to
tune a meat whistle.
A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-assed driver or to
cut the prick off.
The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a
hamburger, hold his beer, or scratch his nuts.
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