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The Darwin Awards

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  • The Darwin Awards

    2004 Darwin Awards


    > They are finally out again. You all know about the Darwin Awards - Its

    > an Annual honor given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest

    > service by killing themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way.


    > Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a

    > Coke machine which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to

    > tip a free soda out of it.


    > And the nominees are:




    > 1.) A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk

    > cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed

    > gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill,

    > and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting

    > explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his

    > sister.




    > 2.) Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft

    > at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they

    > decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of

    > their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the

    > wreckage with their pants around their ankles.




    > 3.) A 22-year-old Reston, Va., man was

    > found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a

    > 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a

    > fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped one

    > end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake

    > Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren

    > Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think

    > Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The

    > length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than

    > the distance between the trestle and the ground,"

    > Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death

    > was "Major trauma."



    > 4.) A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It

    > seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the

    > rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards

    > candidate, was hospitalized.


    > 5.) Employee in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the

    > smell of a gas presumed a leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the

    > building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition: lights,

    > power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two "technicians"

    > from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the

    > building, they found they had difficulty navigating in

    > the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights

    > worked. Witnesses later described the sight of one of the

    > technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an

    > object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation

    > of the lighter like object, the gas in the warehouse

    > exploded, sending pieces of the warehouse up to three

    > miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the

    > lighter, being at the exact center of the resulting

    > mêlée, was virtually untouched by the explosion. The

    > "technician" suspected of causing the blast, had never

    > been thought of by his peers as "all there."




    > And the Winner:


    > Rated (XXXX) and 4 stars for pain.



    > 6.) Based on a bet by the other members of his golfing threesome,

    > Everett Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the

    > local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a

    > bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his

    > scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his

    > buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the

    > machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging

    > them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately

    > passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from

    > his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the post of the

    > ball washer was more than strong enough to support his

    > body weight, and his sack was the weakest link. Sanchez's

    > scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle

    > was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball

    > washer, while the other testicle was compressed and

    > flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the

    > washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult

    > to injury, Sanchez then broke a new $300.00 graphite

    > shaft driver that he had just purchased from the pro

    > shop, and was attempting to use as a cane. Sanchez was

    > rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining

    > threesome was asked to leave the course.


    > This last one wouldn't normally count, because the golfer didn't die.

    > But because he cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of

    > stupidity, we have allowed it.
    Heckman aka "WISE" OLD MAN

  • #2
    All the warnings in the world can't save some folks, nor should they. These things every year make me wonder how we've managed to get so far from the times of cavemen, but then...oh, some of us haven't. :chair:

    Man, as painful as that last one was to read (even for a female) at least he can't reproduce anymore. Hopefully he hasn't already.
    "The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem." -
    Theodore Rubin

    Mod @ Proactivehealthnet


    • #3
      Heck, Man that last guy had some serious balls huh, well he used to anyways, "their is an ass for every seat"...
      "That damn log book" Highest quality protein at the lowest price...


      • #4
        I just love stupid people....They make those of us that are still a few fries short of a happy meal look real good!!!
        Heckman aka "WISE" OLD MAN


        • #5
          Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right
          person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose,
          and in the right way, that is not easy.
          -- Aristotle (384-322 B.C.)


          • #6
            LMFAO, hey, at least he doesnt have to worry about getting girls pregnant!!!


            • #7
              Damn, that shit is funny as hell. We get the military version of the Darwin Awards though. Those are some of the funniest shit I have ever read. It amazes me the we live in a world of stupid fuggin' idiots and there's no law against that...unfortunatley.
              Great reading though again!

              Peace out,
              7 X IFBB champion

              "Do something productive, instead of talking about those that are"


              • #8
                OMG!!! How stupid some people are.....
                "Well done is better than well said"



                • #9
                  I have a story for you to add to the list of stupid people in the world. I live in South Carolina so I have managed to run across a few idiots in my time. For instance, yesterday I was at Wal Mart and outside was a girl who had a fuel leak in her car. She was standing there on her cell phone in a huge puddle of gasoline. As she was gabbing on her cell phone she decided to light a cigarette, luckily someone walked past and explained to her the dangers of that. Lucky for her or else we may all have been angels today.

                  Also, while on vacation we stopped at a gas station/Krystal in Mississippi. No comments that is my hom,e state, but we watched a car pull up, let out a little boy who then proceeded to pee in the parking lot. He got in the car and they left. A few seconds later a big truck pulled up and "Bubba" got out. He was a big man in overalls and no shoes. He stepped into the pee and slid, hitting his head and cracked it open. As we sat there watching all the activities my friend and I asked...should we tell him what caused his fall? We both agreed NO!

                  Well, I hope this added to your daily laugh quota. Have a great one and remember that no matter how stupid you feel you are at times, there is always someone out there worse off than you are.