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A true Republican ~

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  • A true Republican ~

    *If you're a republican, by no means be offended; I am and I have a great sense of humor, even though this is all true ~ LOL

    1. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you are millionaire conservative radio jock, which makes it an "illness" and needs our prayers for your "recovery."

    2. You have to believe that those privileged from birth achieve success all on their own.

    3. You have to believe that the US should get out of the UN, and that our highest national priority is enforcing UN resolutions against Iraq.

    4. You have to believe that government should stay out of people's lives but it needs to punish anyone caught having private sex with the "wrong" gender.

    5. You have to believe that pollution is ok, so long as it makes a profit.

    6. You have to believe in prayer in schools, as long as you don't pray to Allah or Buddha.

    7. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

    8. You have to believe that a woman cannot be trusted with decisions about her own body, but that large multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind with no regulation whatsoever.

    9. You have to believe that you love Jesus and Jesus loves you, and that Jesus shares your hatred of AIDS victims, homosexuals, and Hillary Clinton.

    10. You hate the ACLU for representing convicted felons, but they owed it to the country to bail out Oliver North.

    11. You have to believe that the best way to encourage military morale is to praise the troops overseas while cutting their VA benefits.

    12. You believe that group sex and drug use are degenerate sins that can only be purged by running for governor of California as a Republican.

    13. You have to believe it is wise to keep condoms out of schools, because we all know if teenagers don't have condoms they won't have sex.

    14. You have to believe that the best way to fight terrorism is to alienate our allies and then demand their cooperation and money.

    15. You have to believe that government medicine is wrong and that HMO's and insurance companies only have your best interests at heart.

    16. You have to believe that providing health care to all Iraqis is sound government policy but providing health care to all Americans is socialism personified.

    17. You believe that tobacco's link to cancer and global warming are "junk science", but Creationism should be taught in schools.

    18. You have to believe that waging war with no exit strategy was wrong in Vietnam but right in Iraq.

    19. You have to believe that Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney was doing business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

    20. You believe that government should restrict itself to just the powers named in the Constitution, which includes banning gay marriages and censoring the internet.

    21. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about the adulterous affairs of Democrats, while those of Republicans are a "private matter".

    22. You have to believe that the public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades but that Bush was right to censor those 28 pages from the Congressional 9/11 report because you just can't handle the truth.

    23. You support state rights, which means Ashcroft telling states what locally passed voter initiatives he will allow them to have.

    24. You have to believe that what Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest but what Bush did decades later is "stale news" and "irrelevant".

    25. You have to believe that trade with Cuba is wrong because it is communist, but trading with China and Vietnam is just dandy.

    Lift light and ya never get tight ~

  • #2
    Got some laughs from that Cat, and I too am a Republican.
    [email protected] http://www.proactivehealthnet.com

    " We know that to err is human, but the HIV/AIDS hypothesis is one hell of a mistake"
    Dr. Kary Mullis, Nobel Prize Winner in Chemistry for inventing the Polymerase Chain Reaction


    "The fact is that you can not start off with bad science and end up with good medicine"

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    • #3
      I am a Republican and I know of even funnier jokes than that. Like, say, Bill Clinton?

      Skip


      Facebook: Skip Hill
      Instagram: @intensemuscle
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      For Training Inquiries: [email protected]

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      • #4
        Hey I'm a republican.....or maybe a libritarian....No wait definitely republican......No can't be I think libertarian.

        I'm also schitzophrenic......It's an internal struggle.
        Any views or opinions expressed in this forum or in personal correspondences are purely for entertainment purposes and are obviously the product of a deeply troubled mind.

        Have a nice day.
        Saturn……


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        • #5
          I am a

          *edit
          Last edited by Cookie_Head; 03-01-2004, 07:45 AM.

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          • #6
            I pay to much tax to be a democrat but I gotta tell you I don't agree with many of those LOL.


            Log Book PIMP! It ain't a crime if it likes it!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Skip
              I am a Republican and I know of even funnier jokes than that. Like, say, Bill Clinton?

              Skip
              Good one Skip!!!!lol
              [email protected] http://www.proactivehealthnet.com

              " We know that to err is human, but the HIV/AIDS hypothesis is one hell of a mistake"
              Dr. Kary Mullis, Nobel Prize Winner in Chemistry for inventing the Polymerase Chain Reaction


              "The fact is that you can not start off with bad science and end up with good medicine"

              Comment


              • #8
                Republican as well and definitely got a few laughs from those. But President Clinton certainly kept the laughs going for us, didnt he..particularly the late night hosts?

                -slide
                Last edited by slide; 03-02-2004, 10:10 AM.
                "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."

                "Carry 24/7 or guess right."

                "There are only two kinds of people that understand Marines: Marines and the enemy. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion."

                "993 yo f9t[n9y[I8itineraryBMiy v][/t u 98 oh 99 u]y8y u[/hy jyip NH j o have I h"

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                • #9
                  See, this year I am in a GREAT position. If Bush wins, I get to continue to keep more of my money. If he loses, gear use won't be punishable by death.

                  Skip


                  Facebook: Skip Hill
                  Instagram: @intensemuscle
                  YouTube: TEAMSKIP
                  TikTok: @intensemuscle


                  For Training Inquiries: [email protected]

                  Use discount code "SKIP" and get your TEAM SKIP protein here: www.TrueNutrition.com/TEAMSKIPblend

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