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True Doctors' Stories

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  • True Doctors' Stories

    A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
    Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

    At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remarked the patient.
    Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA

    One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
    Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada

    I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
    "Now your left."
    Again, a flawless read.
    "Now both," I requested.
    There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
    Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
    Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA

    While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered...
    "Why, not for about twenty years, when my husband was alive."
    Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

    I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
    Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

    A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothes entered. It was very quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.
    When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
    Anonymous contribution

  • #2
    I had to show my cellmate so he'd know why I am almost in tears from laughing!!
    Kid's Wench :flex: and Bon-Bon's sis
    Ask me about
    *use FXL222 for a discount on your 1st purchase


    • #3


      • #4
        My wife and I are rolling...especially about the KY Jelly...

        "When you guys get home and face an anti-war protester, look him in the eyes and shake his hand. Then, wink at his girlfriend, because she knows she's dating a pussy."

        "Carry 24/7 or guess right."

        "There are only two kinds of people that understand Marines: Marines and the enemy. Everyone else has a second-hand opinion."

        "993 yo f9t[n9y[I8itineraryBMiy v][/t u 98 oh 99 u]y8y u[/hy jyip NH j o have I h"


        • #5
          Originally posted by KidRok's Lady
          I had to show my cellmate so he'd know why I am almost in tears from laughing!!
          The name is Richard not Rick


          • #6
            time is the best teacher, to bad it ends up killing its pupil


            • #7
              Originally posted by Rick85

              LOL.....we have double cubicles at work.
              Kid's Wench :flex: and Bon-Bon's sis
              Ask me about
              *use FXL222 for a discount on your 1st purchase


              • #8
                I missed this yesterday, oh well, it was a good laugh this morning.
                "Well done is better than well said"



                • #9
                  And these are supposed to be true. Wow, they were good.
                  Please tell your boobs to quit staring at my eyes


                  • #10
                    bwah hahahahaha!!! Too funny
                    Greek women, we may be lambs in the kitchen, but we are tigers in the bedroom.

                    MOD @


                    • #11