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ctgblue · 11-01-2004, 09:50 AM

1. When his. 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked.
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a passing car.
4. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her dead.
5. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing.
6. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital and told the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre behavior. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
7. In Minneapolis, 28 year old Derrick L. Richardson has been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E. Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver, instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic.
8. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
9. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Give me a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window!". "Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, Ma'am.", "It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came.", " I was hoping they would show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant."

11-01-2004, 09:50 AM	#63
ctgblue Heavyweight Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Behind you, waiting to steal your protein Posts: 1,871	1. When his. 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at its intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder: he peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. Happily for most concerned, this time it worked. 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine out and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. Mourners at the funeral of Anna Bochinsky in Moinesti, Rumania, were naturally somewhat taken aback when she abruptly leapt from her coffin as it was being carried to the grave. Before they could react to this unexpected outburst, the woman bounded into the nearest road, where she was run over and killed by a passing car. 4. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her dead. 5. One of the criteria by which Miss Nude USA was chosen in 1979 was taste in clothing. 6. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus-stop and offered everyone in the queue a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital and told the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre behavior. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 7. In Minneapolis, 28 year old Derrick L. Richardson has been charged with third-degree murder of his much loved cousin, Ken E. Richardson. According to local police, Derrick had suggested to Ken that they play a game of Russian Roulette, but, having no revolver, instead put a semiautomatic pistol to his cousin's head. Apparently, he did not realize that one bullet always loads into the firing chamber of a semiautomatic. 8. An American teenager was in the hospital yesterday recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked about how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 9. A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Give me a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant." The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window!". "Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, Ma'am.", "It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came.", " I was hoping they would show up again and help me figure out who got your daughter pregnant." __________________ Lift big 2 get big TrueProtein.com Use discount code ctg001 for additional savings on already great prices mod at bodybuilding.com mod at iron-forum.com mod at melanoplanet.com Obesity related illness will account for more than 1/2 of all health care costs in the next few years. So why is the damn government waging war on the FITNESS Industry?? "Before you criticize someone, try walking a mile in their shoes. Because, then you're a mile away, AND you've got their shoes"